Labour of Love

(Padstow - new painting)

Great news!  After several weeks of a full on love hate relationship with this painting, I'm happy to say that it is finally finished.

I did this piece as a commission for Milkwood Publishing, and it will be making it's way down to them in the coming few days.  

Some paintings seem to flow and happen as if by magic.  Others, do not.  This one became a journey in that it tested all my limits.  There were moments when I adored it, I was focused and my hand was steady.  I had the patience to add all the little people, and all those windows and then there were days I went down the studio and I sat and looked at it, painted bits in, washed bits out and in all honesty could have happily chucked it over the wall and into the river below.  I may have had a slightly childish tantrum about it all, bashed things about a bit and said dubious and obnoxious things to it.  I may have also ignored it for several days which is actually no bad thing really, it gives you space to think and breathe while you decide what to do next.

I do like a painting that does this though, it challenges me and pushes me to explore both the medium and myself.  How am I resisting or restricting myself?  Why am I creating blocks here?  Why was yeseterday so much fun and today is frustrating and soul destroying?

As an artist it's important to allow growth, to tackle difficult things and learn how to overcome them.  I found the buildings a challenge after spending so many months painting flowers from my imagination.  Suddenly I had moved from a very illustrative, and meditative way of painting to a much more structured and architectural piece - something I havent done in a long time.

But I'm so pleased with the result, I hope you like it too.

 

(Goodness me, I've got a You Tube channel!)

 Another thing I'm pretty chuffed with is that I made my first ever video - I'm an utter novice at stuff like this, so it was a really big step to take the plunge and plop myself in front of the camera.  It's been fun figuring out how to make small films though, and although I'm certain it's not super polished or slick, I do hope you enjoy it.

I shared this video with my newsletter subscribers a few weeks ago, and plan to share others with them in the coming months which will include tutorials, sketch book journeys and other things that they have asked to see.

This first little clip shows a little glimpse into my studio.

If you would like to be on my mailing list, you can find out more and sign up here.  I send out newsletters once a fortnight, usually on a friday and occasionally will drop an extra email to you with a nice little gift code, or special offer inside it as well!

Right, I must get back to it, I have another Padstow painting to begin - this is a nice one with views over the river to the town in the distance.  I think, after all those windows and roof tiles I'm going to really enjoy it!

When Solitude Turns to Isolation and What I Do When it Happens

So today, I wanted to write about my experience of what it's like to work on your own, for yourself.  I used to have this rose tinted vision that working for yourself would be this 100% amazing dream job, and don't get me wrong, in many ways it absolutely is but I want to tackle the element of loneliness, when your happy bubble of solitude turns into an isolation that I had never anticipated happening as I swanned about being an artist and it all being fabulous.

And it happens.

We are social creatures, we need to be around other people (well, most of us do, I suppose there are always some folks who don't) and I personally find it nourishing, enriching and supportive to have other people around me at times.  However, for the vast majority of the day, when my daughter is away at school and my partner is out at work I am usually very much on my own, left to my own devices.  And this is often good, and I mostly enjoy it - I get tonnes of work done, and pass the time listening to great tunes on my Ipod or Classic FM, depending on which mood I'm in.  I wind up those days feeling euphoric at what I've completed, a feeling of fullness and satisfaction that I've had a good day and I've produced good work.

And sometimes, I don't feel that way.  Sometimes, the loneliness kicks in and it can feel like my body has turned to lead, it seems that I have forgotten how to create stuff and I don't know what to do with myself.

It usually starts with a small knot of feelings in my gut, a little like anxiety - I feel a need to be with people, coupled with an acute sensation of it just being me by myself that day and that that is not going to be ok.  If I don't act on that subtle sensation that is telling me that I need company, I find myself feeling heavier and more unhappy as the day draws on.

So, my fail safe way of coping with these kinds of days is to get out.  I now forcibly remove myself from the house, I take a sketch book or notepad and a fat pencil case full of writing and drawing supplies, and I get myself over to our local cafe where I treat myself to a large mocha or cappucino, and maybe a delicious treat and I squirrel myself away into a cosy corner with my goodies and I settle in for a good hour.

See, most of my friends work in the day, they don't have the flexibility that I have (working for myself) to do this kind of thing or meet up spontaneously.  So, to get my fix of people I put myself in a busy environment where I am around other bodies and you know what, this really helps.  I feel connected, I can hear conversations and maybe music, there is this very soothing buzz of life happening and it tends to always have the desired effect upon me, bringing me back to a place that feels happy and more grounded.

While I'm there, I will fill my notebook with ideas as they come, maybe journal a little of how I'm feeling and perhaps even work on some new sketches.  I will often have a book and spend a little time reading, it all fills up the well and by the time I get home I'm usually ready to roll again and don't mind being by myself so much.

Another option that I take is to go for a walk.  Or I get out on my bike for half an hour.  Sometimes I just need a change of scenery and to raise the endorphins by taking a bit of spontaneous exercise.  I'm lucky in that I'm close to the Trans Peninne Trail which is a great place for bike riding, and also some gorgeous countryside that offers great local walks to really clear the head.

I have also found that by planning out my week every Sunday evening brings me much more focus.  I know what I'm doing and when I need to do it by, and I've discovered that being disciplined as a self employed artist is pretty much essential!  I find the times that I do feel isolated is usually when I haven't remembered to plan my week ahead, or I have blanks in my planner that don't have any structure.  I didn't used to be this organised, but as I've got older it just feels easier and more manageable to plan things a few days in advance.

 

As well as work stuff, I also make plans to meet up with friends, and make sure weekends are family orientated.  I take a yoga class once a week and when I can, I try and go swimming at our local pool.  So my planner is my magnetic north, it keeps me on track and headed in a good direction.

 

Being mindful is also a good way to bring myself back into the present moment, when I'm overrun with feelings of being flat, lonely and unmotivated.  I take a few moments to be really conscious about what I'm doing, be it making a cuppa or simply walking.  I also write a list of gratitudes in my journal every night and find that this practice really brings home how much I have to be thankful for, even when I think I've had the crappiest day of the century.

Working for myself is the best job I could imagine, but I know I wouldn't last two minutes without these self support structures in place.  Why not share ways that you overcome feelings of isolation, just add them to the comments below, it would be great to hear from you.

How Autumn Inspires Me

So it's the end of September, already.  I'm feeling Autumn in my bones, and inhaling the scent of it as I walk my daughter to school.  The morning air is damp and cool and there are small yellow and orange leaves in the gutter, like leftover confetti from a carnival.  Our light evenings are dwindling into darkness earlier, and I notice that my flip flops are still in the hallway and need to go back in the cupboard.  I need to dig out warmer things, like cosy boots and warm scarves.  

I let go of summer reluctantly, I didn't want the warmth to leave, the long heady days where the sun shone and it was hot and we went to the beach and life felt free and brilliant.  I didn't want to let go of that and I resisted Autumn, I felt a sort of grief as I tried to reconcile myself to the fact that the season was changing and that was that.  Never more so do I feel a change in the seasons as when Summer departs, yet having to let go of the warmer weather reminds me again to be mindful, to accept change and allow life to flow as it always will.

Acceptance instantly makes things feel easier.

The arrival of Autumn has led to some new colours on my palette.  I walk alot and notice flowers, seedheads and stems, I see structure and colour and although bright it is not 'fresh bright' like you see in May.  These colours are mature, they are deep and warm as they hold the heat of the sun and stories of long days.

 

I drank in these beautiful colours and used them in my latest painting 'September' which I just recently finished.  I wanted to capture those colours and the feelings of late summer, such a mixture of happy and wistful.  I wanted to paint the sadness of summer leaving us, so a flock of lonely birds migrating  in the sky above those vivid blooms is my nod to saying goodbye.  I painted a robin into the picture too, as I hear his song tinged with melancholy as I work in the studio.  He sits on the wall by the door and I see him through the window and I wonder if he too, feels the change as we do.  I think he does.

My paintings are becoming more emotive and I find myself thoroughly immersed in these floral pieces - have no idea how they are going to unfold.  I begin them with a wisp of an idea, a shape or a colour that I know I must capture and put on canvas.  The rest just happens.

 

 

I have an idea bubbling away for a winter piece soon, I can already feel and see the colours that I will use - a brand new palette again to capture the fleeting colour and sensations of our seasons.  I am finding it very medatitive creating these art works, and I really hope that they resonate with you in some way too.

 

Like many people, this time of year feels like a new beginning for me, almost like New Year where we feel compelled to set new intentions, create new habits, buy new materials and note books, start journalling and dreaming up new ideas.  I like that after the lazy days of summer I am able to find a focus again, I feel industrious and brimming with possibility.

 

I take care to plan my days now, it is important for me to have a routine and structure or else I am easily led astray and end up meandering, reading books and baking cakes.  I invested in this Happy Planner a few months back, and each Sunday evening I spend a pleasant time filling in the coming week with my plans.  I can't imagine how I lived without one for so long - the addition of washi tape and planner stickers from various sellers on Etsy have made my schedule (especially the chores) look far prettier and easier on the eye.  I'd heartily recommend getting one if you haven't already.  I feel happier knowing that I have some semblence of order in my world, just having things penciled in and knowing what's going on is mighty comforting.

 

 

 

Autumn is a beautiful time of year and I am happily looking forward to crisp walks through colourful leaves, a trip to the coast, amazing sunsets, bonfires, mulled cider and of course cosy nights curled up in front of the fire with family.

Let Autumn inspire you - tell me your favourite ways of enjoying this beautiful season.

J xxx